Two Silent Angels

When it comes to dreams (the kind we have while we're asleep), I'd say that mine are slightly homogenous. Most of my dreams could be classified into one of two categories. There are the recurring frustration dreams, and there are the dreams that randomly compile the people, places, and things of my past, present, and even future, into an utterly nonsensical plot. I suppose I could write quite a lengthy (as they're typically lengthy) blog entry on my personal dream theories, as well as dream theories at large. However, that will not be the focus of THIS particular blog entry (perhaps a future one?). Instead, I feel inclined to share a meaningful stream of thoughts incurred by my most recent "compilation" dream. The absurd and hysterical events of the dream itself, aren't necessarily worth knowing, for one to understand what I am about to go "out on a limb" to share. Rather, it is the appearance of an influential person from my past, in the form of a dream, that one should note.

Included in my dream was someone who I felt very close to before he passed away in August of 2006. He was a teacher at BYB, knowledgeable and passionate about his art, and, without a doubt, one of the quirkiest and wittiest people I've ever met (being quirky and witty are positive attributes in my opinion). He cherished the subtleties of life, and took interest in the underdogs that crossed his path. His dedication to his students and to his work was (and still is) unmatchable. His humble nature never indicated the remarkable feats of his career, both as a dancer and as a teacher. I truly believe that he knew the end of his life was drawing near (although he never told anyone of his failing health until a week before he passed away). In the last few months of his life I became the recipient of stories that he seemed eager to tell. He often talked to me about leaving a legacy, in a somewhat generic sense. In hindsight, I now realize that the stories he told me WERE his legacy (if only I knew that at the time, maybe I would have written down everything he said). Sometimes I questioned why I was the one chosen for his long sessions of reminiscing. He told me it was because I was receptive.

My receptiveness was tested much in the same way not too long after he passed away. I became friends with someone else, who, to make a LONG story short, also took a genuine interest in BYB. Although his attachment to BYB was from a more external perspective, his soft heart, love for children, and his deep appreciation for all that was aesthetically pleasing, landed his name on the list of BYB's biggest supporters (both morally and financially). A lonely man with a dark and depressing past, caught up in his own current toils and troubles, he and I would occasionally meet for coffee. The topics of our conversations were usually related to psychology, religion, philosophy, politics, and dreams (the kind we have while we're asleep). Besides being the most well read and deep thinking person I've met, he was also well versed in dream interpretation. We spent a lot of time sharing dreams with one another, and figuring out the meaning of what we dreamt. Perhaps he would know the meaning of the dream I spoke about earlier in this blog entry...but in July of 2008 he also passed away.

I consider both of these people "angels" of BYB. They never knew one another, but the similarities between the two of them were quite remarkable. In fact, I have found myself wondering if maybe one was a continuation of the other. Both truly had great minds, kind hearts, and similarly peculiar mannerisms (which I'd be the first to pick up on). Both of these people were extremely emotional and were not afraid to express what they felt. They each came with their own set of vices. For some reason, both of them chose to confide in me.....and then died not too long after that (YIKES!). I think of them often, but in different situations.

I think of one when I am caught up in a BYB moment that I know he would have been caught up in himself, because he was there day in and day out. As BYB grows and changes, those moments become increasingly internalized for me, as there are only a handful of people remaining at BYB who experienced him enough to actually share with me in one of those moments. His name appears on the wall in two places, in a building he never knew about (BYB relocated after he passed away). People he never met walk by his name each day without realizing the significance of his BYB tenure. 

I think of the other one when I look at BYB from an outsider's point of view. When I assess the state of BYB by looking at the big picture, I imagine the positive and encouraging things he might say. I also think about him when I feel like sitting down with a cup of coffee to discuss my latest dreams...and that brings me full circle to the point of this blog entry (finally!). Even though the two "angels" I speak of were not connected to one another during their lives, they are now merged together as two of the pillars supporting those who frequent BYB. They are BYB's silent "angels", as their names and faces are unknown (to some, not all).

Honored to have known them both to the degree to which I knew them, I suppose I experience a different kind of silence than those who never met them at all. For me, it is not so much of a silence due to their anonymity. Rather, it is a silence resulting from the void they left in my life. Their physical presence is a thing of the past, but I am reminded of them in certain moments in my life...definintely in my random, nonsensical, "compilation" dreams!