Big Fish or Small Fish?

There is nothing like being in a theatre where EVERY seat is full! Over the weekend I attended Cincinnati Ballet's Peter Pan at The Aronoff Center. It did my heart good to see that in these tough economic times, a theatre could still be filled, even for a ballet! Although audience members were not exposed to a classic, or even a showcase of contemporary cutting-edge choreographic works, the massive crowd of people who were gathered together for ballet's sake was a refreshing sight. The fusion of comedic acting, highly "entertaining" ballet technique, and modern-day theatre tricks indicated the performance's focus on children, but there were several instances in which I found myself with the common facial expression displayed by adults in Disney World. The face that emulates the look that children have when they are being completely "Disney-fied".......mouths gaping open, bright eyes, and total belief that what they are seeing is in fact real.

The music was composed by Cincinnati Ballet's Music Director, Carmon DeLeone, who was celebrating 40 years with the Cincinnati Ballet! Lush and engaging, the Pullitzer Prize-nominated score really appealed to me. The choreography of Septime Webre was clever, tricky and showy, giving the audience a small taste of the virtuosity that ballet dancers possess. I was equally amused by Cervilio Amador's (Peter Pan, and Cincinnati Ballet's "poster child") ability to do nine pirouettes, slow down on the last two turns, hold his position, and then perfectly land the turn....as I was by his ability to portray classical ballet in parody form (Les Ballets Trockadero style) during one scene. Brilliance on Septime Webre's part, and truly appreciated by all the "bunheads" in the audience!

I won't go any farther than that with the ballet jargon for those of you who are not ballet aficionados! But I will go "out on a limb" to share with you an internal struggle that was somewhat rekindled in me, as I watched a truly magnificent production of a professional ballet company. Upon graduating college with a B.A. in Arts Administration in 2006, I mulled over whether or not it would be better to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond, when it came to securing an administrative position for myself in the arts world. I suppose that during my schooling, I dreamt of an administrative position in a large professional ballet company in a big city (small fish in a big pond). However, before I got the chance to actually investigate that foremost debate in my mind, I had already been dubbed a big fish in a small pond at Bluegrass Youth Ballet in Lexington, KY. Day in and day out, I love my job! It is fulfilling, rewarding, challenging, exciting, and for lack of a better phrase, "totally my style". I feel that I get to be in my element every single day! I am privileged to be working in an organization from its beginnings (except, I missed the first year). I literally watch it grow along with the people it is comprised of, and there is nothing more gratifying.

However, when I attend a professional ballet performance I am always struck with awe and wonder...in awe of the size and scope of the inner workings of the company, as well as the magnitude of their performance...wondering what it would be like to work in the larger realm of the ballet world. Sometimes I worry that even though I am getting a lot of administrative experience at my current job, it is quite different from the experience I would be getting if I were working for a professional company. I feel as though I am losing time, IF I seriously want to be a small fish in a big pond some day!

I know that no one is stopping me from a job change....except MYSELF. But I am just NOT ready to part with my job anytime soon. Although Bluegrass Youth Ballet is much smaller than any professional company, sometimes I feel that the dreams and goals we have are much bigger! The idea that I am half (perhaps the lesser half, the other half is our Director!) of the forefront of an organization that I believe is headed for a bright future excites me! I truly believe in the mission of our organization (quite different from that of a professional company), and I want to be a major influence in its fruition.

This big fish/small fish struggle has been "swimming" around in my mind since I graduated college. However, the more I plug away at my job, the more the struggle fades. I suppose I am becoming extremely content with what I am doing. Not content in a stagnant sense, but content in a peaceful sense, knowing that I am where I want to be at this point in time.....despite temptations like Cincinnati Ballet's Peter Pan.